I talk about how key mindset changes were a part of my huge weight loss in another blog post, but here I want to discuss the mindset changes that transformed me as a whole person.
Changing your mindset is about taking ownership of how you experience the world around you. Choosing how you react to your own thoughts and feelings can be a very powerful practice. But it is important to remember that mindset is like a muscle and it needs to be exercised regularly to be effective.
So what are some of the key mindset changes I made that completely transformed my life? Check them out below.
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Thoughts Aren’t Facts
When I first read that thoughts aren’t facts I felt like I had been smacked in the face. It was like glass shattering in my brain. Honestly, I think my jaw fell open a little bit. It was so obvious and so simple yet not something I had really ever thought of before.
Why do we automatically assume our thoughts are true? And that if we think something about ourselves that it must be fact?
The truth is, as humans we are naturally unreliable narrators, even of our own lives! Even when we recall a factual experience the recollection is completely subjective. Without intending to do so we manipulate, distort, and leave out details. Sometimes this is done by accident and other times intentionally. Regardless, we know that our thoughts, recollections and insights are often blurry.
So why when we think negative thoughts, particularly about ourselves, do we take them as complete truths? Why when we look in the mirror and make a comment about our appearance or intelligence for example, do we internalize that to the very depths of our souls?
Because our thoughts aren’t truths, they are simply no more than internal passing comments. And knowing that, we have the ability to reshape our thoughts and free ourselves from the untruths. When we have a negative thought about ourselves, acknowledging that the thought or feeling is simply not a fact allows you separate your sense of self from the negative thought.
The more you practice separating your sense of self from your random thoughts and feelings, the less emotionally affected you will be by any negativity. Because negativity will always come and go, and that’s the point, to let it come and go, not have it stick with you for hours, days, or weeks on end.
What Other People Think Of You Is None Of Your Business
This mindset adjustment changed everything for me. Similar to the idea that my thoughts aren’t facts, the truth is other people’s thoughts aren’t facts either. Regardless of who they are or what their status, their thoughts and feelings are also not truths. Their thoughts are just as subjective to their own life experience as my own thoughts and feelings are to my own experiences.
And at the end of the day, the thoughts and opinions another person may have of me just aren’t my business. It is not my job to police another person’s thoughts about me regardless of whether they are “true” or “untrue”. It just doesn’t matter and has zero bearings on how I should think and feel about myself.
The only opinion of you that truly matters is your own. If someone has a negative opinion of you, ask yourself why it bothers you. While perhaps it makes you feel invalidated, unseen, less than, embarrassed, etc those are all powers that you hold onto. You can choose to make yourself feel validated, you can acknowledge your own self-worth, you can make yourself feel strong, and you can choose to not feel embarrassed.
What someone else thinks doesn’t matter because you know who you are.
What You Think About You Give Power Too
Where our attention goes energy flows. And our energy is constantly flowing, it isn’t something that gets turned on and off at will. I’m not going to dive into manifestation or law of attraction right here because those are huge topics, but I will touch on their basic principle which is that what you think about you manifest into reality.
Think about that for a minute. Can you think of an instance where this has been true for you? A time when you focused so hard on what you wanted (or perhaps didn’t want) that it came to fruition? Maybe you visualized a certain grade, or getting a specific promotion, or specific amount of money, or maybe it went the other way and you thought so hard about making a mistake during a presentation that it actually occurred.
Our thoughts hold massive amounts of power. How we think directly influences our life experience. So, if we are spending huge amounts of time giving energy to thinking about how miserable we are, guess what? You’re going to be miserable. But if we take that same amount of energy and instead give focus to how grateful we are for something in our lives then there is a dynamic shift in how you are experiencing the world around you. Being grateful is not naive or overly optimistic, it’s appreciating the finer nuances of what is already yours.
Trauma Isn’t Your Fault But Healing Is Your Responsibility
I used to feel like a victim like everything was always happening to me. I had this idea that I had been dealt a bad hand, and everyone else was in some way “lucky”. But I’ve learned over the years that everyone has some sort of trauma that they have lived through or experienced. Having had some trauma in my life did not make me special, in fact, it made me very regular and ordinary.
For a long time, I thought it was the job of the people who had caused me pain to right their wrongs and that this would heal me from the trauma of the past. I thought I needed apologies, admissions of mistakes, and ownership of errors and missteps to get over all the pain I had inside. But in reality that isn’t how healing works. Because you may never get that apology or admission of errors. You may never receive closure from another person for so many different reasons.
It is because of this that healing needs to become your own responsibility. Healing needs to be about yourself and not about another person and the role they play. Relying on someone else to provide you with healing is giving them your power. You are saying that they have a power over you that can be given and taken away.
Choosing to heal yourself is taking back you power and authority. Saying I don’t need you to heal me is an extremely powerful self-statement. And taking back your power is the very first step to overcoming trauma.
You Choose Your Reactions
My father always used to say to me, you can’t control the other people around you can only control how you react to those around you. This is one of the more difficult mindset changes to adopt but it is the one that brings the most joy and satisfaction.
Choosing not to let another person affect our thoughts and emotions is extremely difficult. But it is a skill that can be learned and adopted with regular practice. Firstly, remember that not every action needs a reaction but if it does ask yourself these questions:
- what value will my reaction bring?
- does my reaction serve my wellbeing?
- is my ego at play?
- will my reaction bring me peace?
Making a conscious choice to control how we respond and react to the world around us is a very powerful practice. Sometimes choosing not to react at all can be an extremely powerful action that builds an enormous amount of confidence.
Creating lasting mindset changes will transform the way you view your life and the role that you play in the world. What’s important to remember is that you already have all this power within you, there is nothing external that needs to be provided for you to have this huge personal transformation. Practice these mindset changes daily, and allow yourself to fall into a new way of thinking about yourself.
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Wow, I just found your Blog through pinterest and am so glad that i did. I spent the last hour reading through it and plan to continue tomorrow. thank you for your insight into mindfulness and weight loss. i am just beginning my journey to healthy mind and body.
Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a kind comment! I appreciate it so much 🙂 Best of luck on your journey, you can do it!
glad you talk about the law of attraction because we tend to manifest a lot of who we are. Thanks for sharing these, I still have a long way to go when it comes to choosing my reactions but hope I become better at it soon
I love That you address not letting others’ thoughts of you define your own thoughts on yourself. This is sOmething i feel everyone struggles with but especially People with insecurities, and is so importAnt to a healthy mindset! It is also one of the main points i want to spreaD to my reaDers thanks for your inspiring words !